2013 recap

2013 brought lots of changes in my life.  Probably the single biggest change was my divorce.   It was final in August sometime.  In the 9 months it took to become legal, I started dating again.   The first 4 or 5 dates were awful.   I finally asked out the girl I've had a crush on since I moved to California and she said yes.   We have been dating ever since.   :)  I even took her home to meet my family.  They all like her.

2013 brought new friends thanks to the Modesto MeetUp.   It's amazing how filing life is when you have friends that you can lean on and have fun with.  

I made 2013 the year to get fit.  I run now, I actually enjoy it as it's a release from the stress of work.   I ran six 5K races, and placed in 2 of them in my age class.

I go to the gym at least 2 times a week.  I found an aerobic dance class I like on Monday evenings and the other day I lift weights.

I'm not sure why there is snow falling in this picture, but it bad ass.   This is my place in the mountains I go to be alone.  It's called Pinecrest Lake.

Last but not least, I had to say goodbye to Baby Girl. She developed cancer, and I couldn't afford to care for her.   I miss her everyday.   She was such a great dog.  

Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage

I found this blog and wanted to share it... http://jamesrusselllingerfelt.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/beautiful-advice-from-a-divorced-man-after-16-years-of-marriage/

A note from James Russell Lingerfelt: Mr. Gerald Rogers’ article stirred a wide variety of feelings among people across the globe. Helped and encouraged thousands, infuriated few. We read letters from women in Malaysia comforting women in England. Men in USA and Singapore spoke healing words to men in Europe and India. A man in Germany responded with some of the deepest insights I’ve read in years. The unity and compassion among people which this article brought forth was a beautiful experience to witness. I’ll never forget it.

As of August 26, 2013 (eleven days after posted) the article had received over 2 million views. One common idea reverberated among many of the healthy responses: If we make the conscious decision to daily place our spouse’s desires and needs above our own, and that’s reciprocated, the marriage will succeed. Is utter and complete selflessness the goal?

—

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again.  You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

Sad, sad, sad day

Today, I make probably single most difficult decision I have ever had to make in my life.   My female lab/doberman mix was put to sleep.   She has had a small bump on her nose for over 2 years.  In the last 2 to 3 months it has grown and grown and become bloody.   After I came home from Las Vegas, I found 2 huge lumps on both sides of her face and she was only eating half of her dog food.

I called a few places and found one that was close to the office.   The entire process took about 30 mins, but the actual sedation only took a matter of seconds.   The vet said she had cancer and she would get worse and it would be very expensive to cut out and she still might not make it.   He really cares about animals.  I saw him wipe a few tears from his eyes as he gave her what was an overdose of a sedative.    She snored for about 3 seconds from sleeping so deep and then she was gone.  

Baby Girl was a very smart dog, she learned tricks very good and was the only dog you could ask "Who let the dogs out?" and she would reply with "Woof, woof, woof!"

She loved to ride in the car and has thousands and thousands of miles under her belt!   :)  She's lived in 3 states, FL twice!!   She loved swimming and could do that for hours.

I'm going to take Sam there to get his shots.

Vacation 2013 is over. Back to work on Monday

Vacation with Lisa went pretty good.  We headed down I-5 to Bakersfield, CA, then took the long, long, long trip from Bakersfield to Las Vegas.  I think there was an accident a few hours in the day and caused a 4 hour delay for us.   Creeping along in the middle of the Mojave Desert in 105 degree heat at 3 to 5 MPH for 3 hours is HORRIBLE!!

Let me tell you that Las Vegas is basically a few roads with fancy hotels, shopping,  restaurants, and strip clubs.  I guess coming from Orlando/Tampa area I was expecting it to be bigger.  There were 6 or 7 foreigners to every American.  Las Vegas, NV claims to now be the #1 tourist destination in the WORLD!!

Things I learned:

• Watch out for people.  They stop in front of you and take photos or just go "duhhhh, where are we?"
• There are people passing out this cards for esccort services EVERYWHERE.  I'm pretty sure you have to learn how to "flip" them before you hit the street.
• You can get ice cold  $1 bottle water anywhere on the strip.
• If you win a few times on roulette, walk away! You don't keep winning.
• Drinks are free when gaming, but tip your cocktail waitress.  She will find you to serve drinks.   :)
• 105 at 10am is f-ing hot!!
• 82 for the low is f-ing hot!!
• Hiking in the desert at 105 is not for the faint of heart.  I did it, but by the end of the hike even our water was over 90.
• The Fremont Experience was awesome.  Even better when you have a 2' tall mudslide with an extra shot of vodka!!
• Lisa is fun and I had a great time.

Blogging riding down I-5 south at 80 MPH

The car is packed, the cooler has beer, wine, diet Pepsi, and water on ice.   And we are off...

Las Vegas is a mere 7 to 8 hours away, sooner the way Lisa is driving.   I don't drive that fast, but hey it's her car and her ticket if she gets caught.

Some items on the agenda for the next 3 to 5 days is:

• Slots, slots, keno (my favorite), and maybe some $2 blackjack tables
• Visit "Pawn Stars" shop
• Visit the shop where "The Pawn Stars" do thier restorations
• Visit Fremont Street
• Walk on the "strip"
• See some hookers "hooking"   :)
• Visit Hoover Dam (I wanna see a dam guide on a dam tour)
• Hike in same of the state park in Nevada/Utah
• and last but not least, enjoy not being at work!!!

Running for no reason

I've been on a running kick these past few weeks.   Call me crazy, but I like running.  Especially since I learned I don't have to be the fastest out there.  I tell myself I'm 38 and a half years old and I'm running 45 to 60 mins without stopping!!    Who have I become??

I run 2 nights a week, lift weights 1 to 2 days, and then try to go to dance cardio on Mondays.   This leaves me pretty busy so I don't think about the main thing on my mind these days

WHEN THE FUCK IS MY DIVORCE GOING TO BE FINAL????

That's all I'm going to say about that subject.

Lisa and I are doing great... almost 8 months now.  :)   We are going to Vegas in about a week.  I got a really good deal on a hotel in Vegas ($30/night thru Groupon).   It's our first trip longer than overnight, so I'm excited.   Plus, we are both exhausted from work and need the time away from the valley.

That's all that's really going on.   Other than trying to figure out a time to go home (Indiana).  It's been almost 2 years, so I'm sure my family and friends miss me.

I haven't posted in a while

It's been a while since I posted. So here are some things going on.

• Things are going great with Lisa and I.   I never thought we would click so well.   She makes me laugh and feel loved everyday.
• Friday is my another hearing in my divorce.   This should be the last one before it's final.  I'm both nervous and excited.   I'm sad that my marriage ended, but that also means I can learn from my mistakes and make better, well thought out choices.
• I'm still going to the gym, but I can't lose the last 3 to 4 pounds.   If I work out hard, I gain muscle.   :(    I'm been told to starve myself for a few days and hit my goal, of 50 pounds lost and then I can be on maintain mode and increase my calories. 

Dinner with avó

Last night, we had dinner with Lisa's grandmother.    In Portuguese grandmother is avó.    After picking avó up from her friends house, she took us to Chili's for dinner.   I had the margarita  grilled chicken for 550 calories.  It was really good and I was full afterword.

We took her home and then looked at family photos for a while.   Avó has 27 grandchildren!    She is a very nice lady.

Lisa told me she loved me tonight!   :)   I feel the same.   I'm so lucky she came into my life!

Meeting the parents

Sunday, I finally met Lisa's parents.   That means she likes me right?  ha ha!   :)    They came over from the Azores Islands 45 years ago.  Mr. & Mrs. Alamo are really nice people.    Mr. Alamo speaks with a heavy accent and is often confused with someone from the Northeast.  Right after he told me this, our waiter swore he was from Boston.   :)

I haven't heard what they thought about me yet, so that's a little nerve racking.   I'm that since I put their daughter first and protect her feelings, they will like me.  Plus, I make her very happy.   What's not to love?

Lisa and I are doing great and I'm so thankful I asked her out.  She's an amazing women and right now we just enjoy dating each other and having fun.  Where this will end up?    It's up to whoever is in charge.  I always liked the saying "Only if it's written in the stars!"

Half Moon Bay and Yosemite National Park

 Sunday, I went to Half Moon Bay, CA with a new friend from MeetUp to help cheer her up.  She's been down in the dumps lately and she wanted to go to the beach.  Since I have never been, we went to just play tourist for the day.  Half Moon Bay is a nice little town, and the beach was pretty.    Not Tampa at the Gulf pretty, but it beats the valley any day.

Monday, Lisa wanted to go on another "adventure" with me, so she chose Yosemite National Park.  I paid the extra $20 for an annual pass, so I could go back free for a year!!

I was feeling pretty confident about hiking.  The last time I was in Yosemite I was fat, out of shape and it was super cold.    Lisa and I ended up hiking 7 to 9 miles, which was about a 2,700' elevation gain.   It was a tough day.  We hiked for about 5 hours!!   After that we decided we could eat ANYTHING we wanted.   We drove to Mariposa and the only thing we could find that was open was Mexican.  I'm starting to think that's all CA has is Mexican and Chinese places.   After I came home, I took a hot bath and went to bed.  I'm pretty sure Lisa did the same thing.   It was a good day!

Valentine's Day Eve 2013

I worked all day in Modesto today.  When I got to the office there was this women sitting next to Jarrod and I took a double take.  It was my Lisa with straight hair!  She looked so different.

After work,I ran to Walmart to return something.  (Holy shit I hate that store!)   I picked Lisa up from the office and when she stepped out of her car, I had to catch my breath.   She was soooooo gorgeous.  She made me speechless.  This was the first time since I've known Lisa that I've seen her in a skirt.   She's a stunner!!

We had a nice dinner at Papachino's  in downtown Modesto.   On our way back to the Jeep, Lisa wanted me to drive to the theater.  Because I'm a nice guy, I did.  Mind you, the theater was 1/2 block away.   We laughed about it for a long time because she called me lazy earlier in the day.

We went to a single mixer at The State Theater with some friends to watch Serendipity.    It was a really nice evening.  I told her I loved her tonight.

Men are emotional too

My friend Julie (http://justmejuliejulie.blogspot.com) just posted a really awesome blog about an annual marriage contract.   It's worth the read.

It got me thinking about what I should write about since it's been a few days.   I think I will write some personal stuff about me that some of my close friends know, but most do not.

1.  My father was a factory worker that made hot dog and sausage casings.  I remember pops (my name for my dad) would bring some home for us to play with an unravel them.  Fun times!!

2.  I don't care for sports.  Never have.  My father wasn't into sports, so he never played catch, threw the football, etc.    I wish he would have.

3.  I have been working since 12 years.   Wether it has been  working for farmers, or receiving a regular paycheck..   Some jobs I have held are watermelon cultivator. babysitter, short order cook, popcorn detasseler , hay baler, roofer, Walmart photo lab technician (super fun!!), and computer technician.

4.  I'm afraid of uncontrolled heights.

5. I have lived in 4 states, and moved to FL twice.

6. I was baptised at 14 years old without either parent witnessing.   :(

7. I consider myself a country boy.  Yes, I have planted and harvest a 40 acre plot of corn.  A farmer let me do it one year.   It was amazing!!

8.  I have a fear that I will die and nobody will come to my funeral.   I want to make an impact on every life I touch.

9.  I'm not afraid to cry.  Especially, when it affects me personally.

and last but not least.

10.  I want to be a father and show my child that I can be a better father then my own was to me.

Celebration Run

Saturday, I participated in my first 5K timed race.   It was pretty easy.   My official time was 30 minutes and 41 seconds.   I thought it was pretty good, but not worthy of winning anything.   Turns out I was fastest male in age group 30-39!!  Go me!!!

My friend Julie (Taxi Mom Julie), ran the 10K in little over 1 hour 5 mins.  That's awesome considering the course was a little over 0.5 mile too long.  They messed up the 10K course.

I'm ready for my next 5K.   It's going to be a Color Run in San Fransico!   Should be fun.  There is a group from my Stockton office going.

After I got my medal, I went home and got sick.  I wasn't feeling good all day and I have been battling a cold since.  

Busy, busy weekend

My weekend started on Friday night at my co-worker and friend, KJs house.   Drinks and bar food.  :)   BAD ERIC!!!    I left around 11pm, since I had plans early on Saturday.

Saturday morning, I met Lisa in Manteca to take her to Stockton for lunch and roller skating.   During lunch some old guy waiter (might have been the owner), told Lisa she could do much better then I.   What a dick!   :)

After lunch, we went to Stockton Sports Complex.  I had a Groupon to use.  So it was already paid for.  It was nice being her life support since she's not very good at skating and needed to hold on to me and the rail to keep from falling down.   I took her back to her car around 3 or 4pm.  I always get sad after I leave her, so that's a good thing, huh?

Saturday night, I created a Stockton and Modesto Meetup group at Rookie's Bar and Grill in Manteca, CA to listen to the The Micheal Beck Band.  He was very good, probably the best country band I've heard in a long time.  

More drinking... BAD ERIC!!

Monday, I went to Monterey, CA with Lisa and had a very nice time.    Lots of much needed talking.  Things are more clear and better than ever because of it.

It was in the 70s and sunny.  I could not have asked for a more perfect day.  I sure needed some time out of the valley!  I look forward to many more adventures with her.

Things are looking up in 2013!

Work... work out... eat... sleep... repeat!

Work is crazy busy right now.  I've been going to Modesto 2 to 3 times a week looking at nasty, muddy, poopy dairies.   It's a damn good thing I like milk, cheese, and various dairy products because dairy farming is such a dirty business.

After work, I go to the gym to run, lift weights, or do Zumba.  I used to look down upon people that were physically fit and think "What is wrong with these people?"   Working out makes me feel great and it's an awesome way to work out the stress in my life.   I'm down to 32" pants and medium shirts.  Hopefully, I won't lose more inches.

I'm running a 5K in a few weeks in Modesto. I just want to cross the line without passing out.  :)

Wednesday, I got to teach about 4,000 3rd graders about corn and corn products as part of AgVenture 2013.   One more in Lodi next month.  We've already presented to the Manteca schools a few months ago when the weather was perfect.  It was so cold!!

That's Fanny, my BDI partner, and good friend.

What to write about tonight?

Tonight I was craving spaghetti for some reason.  I crave it about once every 3 months.  So I cooked a spaghetti squash in the microwave.   The thing was only 3 pounds and made enough for 2 meals!!  

You just poke about 9 holes in and then nuke it in the microwave for 12 mins, turning in at 6 mins.

Very yummy and filling.

Since the "good things are coming in 2013" is here to stay.  Meet Lisa!   She's a sweet, caring, lady that we started seeing each other about 6 weeks ago.   She makes me take it slow.   I would call it "courting".   I really need that right now, and I really appreciate her for that.  

"One day at a time, Eric!"  is what she tells me.  So I get excited everytime we have a date or go to lunch together.  Who knows where this will led, but I'm glad she's in my life.  :)

Friends come into your life for a reason...

I read a quote today somewhere, I can't find it now, but it goes like this.  "Friends come into your life for a reason, weather to help you through something or to help them through something."   I find it fitting today that I had a co-worker come into my life just when I needed her.  Things have happened between us and she is no longer my friend.   She didn't even look at me today.  She didn't ask me to lunch,  but she asked a mutual friend that was sitting right next to me.   Actions speak louder than words, so there is no need to talk about it.  I will just be cordial to her during work hours and that is that.

During a field visit at a dairy another co-worker of mine was walking thru 2 inches of fresh cow manure and for some reason the file slipped out of his hand and landed right in the poop.   He took it like a good sport.   Guess who is remaking a fresh new file folder that doesn't stink??   :)

I have been working out 3 times a week still.  I'm still gaining weight.  Let's hope it's muscle.  I still eat good and I track all my calories.  It HAS to be muscle, right?