Thursday, August 29, 2013

Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage

I found this blog and wanted to share it... http://jamesrusselllingerfelt.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/beautiful-advice-from-a-divorced-man-after-16-years-of-marriage/

A note from James Russell Lingerfelt: Mr. Gerald Rogers’ article stirred a wide variety of feelings among people across the globe. Helped and encouraged thousands, infuriated few. We read letters from women in Malaysia comforting women in England. Men in USA and Singapore spoke healing words to men in Europe and IndiaA man in Germany responded with some of the deepest insights I’ve read in years. The unity and compassion among people which this article brought forth was a beautiful experience to witness. I’ll never forget it.
As of August 26, 2013 (eleven days after posted) the article had received over 2 million views. One common idea reverberated among many of the healthy responses: If we make the conscious decision to daily place our spouse’s desires and needs above our own, and that’s reciprocated, the marriage will succeed. Is utter and complete selflessness the goal?
My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again.  You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Sad, sad, sad day

Today, I make probably single most difficult decision I have ever had to make in my life.   My female lab/doberman mix was put to sleep.   She has had a small bump on her nose for over 2 years.  In the last 2 to 3 months it has grown and grown and become bloody.   After I came home from Las Vegas, I found 2 huge lumps on both sides of her face and she was only eating half of her dog food.

I called a few places and found one that was close to the office.   The entire process took about 30 mins, but the actual sedation only took a matter of seconds.   The vet said she had cancer and she would get worse and it would be very expensive to cut out and she still might not make it.   He really cares about animals.  I saw him wipe a few tears from his eyes as he gave her what was an overdose of a sedative.    She snored for about 3 seconds from sleeping so deep and then she was gone.  

Baby Girl was a very smart dog, she learned tricks very good and was the only dog you could ask "Who let the dogs out?" and she would reply with "Woof, woof, woof!"

She loved to ride in the car and has thousands and thousands of miles under her belt!   :)  She's lived in 3 states, FL twice!!   She loved swimming and could do that for hours.

I'm going to take Sam there to get his shots.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Vacation 2013 is over. Back to work on Monday

Vacation with Lisa went pretty good.  We headed down I-5 to Bakersfield, CA, then took the long, long, long trip from Bakersfield to Las Vegas.  I think there was an accident a few hours in the day and caused a 4 hour delay for us.   Creeping along in the middle of the Mojave Desert in 105 degree heat at 3 to 5 MPH for 3 hours is HORRIBLE!!

Let me tell you that Las Vegas is basically a few roads with fancy hotels, shopping,  restaurants, and strip clubs.  I guess coming from Orlando/Tampa area I was expecting it to be bigger.  There were 6 or 7 foreigners to every American.  Las Vegas, NV claims to now be the #1 tourist destination in the WORLD!!





Things I learned:
  • Watch out for people.  They stop in front of you and take photos or just go "duhhhh, where are we?"
  • There are people passing out this cards for esccort services EVERYWHERE.  I'm pretty sure you have to learn how to "flip" them before you hit the street.
  • You can get ice cold  $1 bottle water anywhere on the strip.
  • If you win a few times on roulette, walk away! You don't keep winning.
  • Drinks are free when gaming, but tip your cocktail waitress.  She will find you to serve drinks.   :)
  • 105 at 10am is f-ing hot!!
  • 82 for the low is f-ing hot!!
  • Hiking in the desert at 105 is not for the faint of heart.  I did it, but by the end of the hike even our water was over 90.
  • The Fremont Experience was awesome.  Even better when you have a 2' tall mudslide with an extra shot of vodka!!
  • Lisa is fun and I had a great time.






Sunday, August 4, 2013

Blogging riding down I-5 south at 80 MPH

The car is packed, the cooler has beer, wine, diet Pepsi, and water on ice.   And we are off...

Las Vegas is a mere 7 to 8 hours away, sooner the way Lisa is driving.   I don't drive that fast, but hey it's her car and her ticket if she gets caught.

Some items on the agenda for the next 3 to 5 days is:
  • Slots, slots, keno (my favorite), and maybe some $2 blackjack tables
  • Visit "Pawn Stars" shop
  • Visit the shop where "The Pawn Stars" do thier restorations
  • Visit Fremont Street
  • Walk on the "strip"
  • See some hookers "hooking"   :)
  • Visit Hoover Dam (I wanna see a dam guide on a dam tour)
  • Hike in same of the state park in Nevada/Utah
  • and last but not least, enjoy not being at work!!!